So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
