i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
