I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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