The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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