Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
