Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
