His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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