That's intense
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
