yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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