Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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