barbara walters just said penis...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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