My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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