dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
