It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
