haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update