dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!