If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious