i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
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He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
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to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.