We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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