girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
