very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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