How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
