I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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