so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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