i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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