She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
did i walk over a car last night?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize