At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
