She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
