Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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