haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
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