You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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