so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
