yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
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Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
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You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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