My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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