she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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