Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
