i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
