so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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