whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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