i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
