Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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