we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
