If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
