THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
