so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
