I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
