My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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