YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Randomize
