Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
