Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
