hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
