I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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