i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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