You smell like stripper and shame
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
