dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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