I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
