Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
