90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
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He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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