how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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