Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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