Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
