Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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