can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She has the best kind of daddy issues
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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