I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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