i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
