I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
