So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
