he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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