so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
