u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
