just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Houston, we have a squirter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize